This.. is a tree...

Remember the, you might be a redneck jokes?
.. (anything goes here..)

You might be over it if... your freind can't finish the sentence.. you might be a rednec... before yo punch him in the face!

You might be a libertarian if your momma ever yelled.. "boy get your butt in the house right now, and I'm sorry I said the word butt.. and right now.. and yelled.. ok, you can stay out as long as you want..as long as you are home by 10...

You might be a democrat, if you ever said, I never said that...

you might be a republican, if you ever said, you took me out of context when I said that..

you might be a sex fiend if you ever said, Hi, my name is J...

you might be a Walmart shopper if you ever said, do you speako englisho?

you might spend too much time on your computer if you have ever said, why don't you kiss my www.ass.com

you might be too lenient of a boss if you have ever said.. I want you boys at work at 9:37..sharp!

you might be a procrastinator, if you have ever said.. if you think I procrastinate now, you just wait..

Got, you might be if comments?..

OK, it's late and I was getting ready to go to bed, I was scanning channels and I found Live Earth concert, I thought well, I'll check it out for a minute.
They had a commercial with a bunch of kids saying stuff like we have to stop polluting the air... we are killing the ozone, with clips from Al Gore's movie.
Well, first of all... kids... do you know how much energy it took to put on this concert or make that commercial?

For Sting(k) to do his thing with all that giant video behind him, do you think he brought some electricity with him, or anybody else that performed, maybe they had it as a carry-on on that private jet they flew in on.. I wonder how much energy that plane used..?

Alright, lets stop all the "pollution" that people are creating, lets start with heat, air conditioning, batteries of any kind, that means no more video games, cellphones, Ipods or TV!

We should stop all industry too, that would mean no more CD's or plastics or iron or chemicals. Now we are down to eating cold food, which has to be eaten raw because you can't cook it, and what are you eating? Meat? Yes you are, well how are you going to kill it? No industry means no bullets, you will have to make your own arrows or spears, and vegetables that are grown without any pesticides because that is a chemical which has to be produced by a factory, oh and by the way, half of all the vegitables you grow will be eaten by insects without those pesticides.
Oh and, those clothes that make you so popular in school, forget those too, they were also made in a factory, do you realize how much energy it takes to make clothes too small for girls and too big for boys?

Energy has to be created with hydro-electric plants, fossil fuel or nuclear electric stations, would you be willing to live like a caveman (literally)? then you have a voice, if not, go to school and get a degree so you can help, otherwise you are just noise, remember, information is knowledge, therefore good...

Ask the people that performed at that concert what they would be willing to give up, my crib would be my cave. Ask them if they would give up their "bling" to set an example for the rest of the world, I know the answer and so do you!
Our lives are made better and more "convenient" by industry and that has a by-product that we have to deal with.
Don't knock on my door with a $1200 suit and ask me to give to the poor! and that is what the the million dallar people from Hollywood are doing!
Have you ever seen the show Cribs? Do you know what it cost in energy to run a house like that? Don't get me wrong, if someone can go out and make a nice living out of being a singer (and I use the term loosely) then, go for it, that's what makes this country great!
If you want to put on a concert to tell people how bad it is for the earth because we drive cars, than walk to the concert with your instruments on your back!

Pay attention or pay the price!

They wanted to have their own voice..
There was a meeting, (they) the Goof's decided that they wanted to be hear'd, they wanted to get out the message that they are not just golf balls but that they were a voice to be reckoned with, they wanted to (HEY!) be.. wait a minute, one of them wants to say something..

Do.. you..mind..? We are trying to have a meeting here, so if you don't mind, shut the Hell up!

OK, see ya, bye..

So I had this dream and on this rare occasion I actually remembered it, and that’s probably because it woke me up.

I was going to get something to eat and I must have been out of town because I was in a rental car and not my truck.
Anyway I'm in a mall (this has to be a dream). I parked the car and the next thing I know I have a sandwich in front of me except the sandwich wasn't made, it had the bread in the middle and some ham in front and some other stuff around the sides, all in a Styrofoam to go plate with a lid and the French fries are stacked up in a criss-cross pattern like a Jenga game.
So I’m walking through the restaurant looking for a seat when almost everybody I pass in the place starts grabbing food off of my plate, and they are saying stuff like “Oh I had that sandwich last week and it was great” and then they help themselves to my food.
(another reason this has to be a dream) because there is no way I would let anybody touch food on my plate without a fight, especially strangers!

So now I am on my way to the parking lot when I see my car drive by, well I don’t know what kinda car it was but I pointed the remote at it, pushed a button and the car pulled over and stopped.
I ran over to the car and there was a guy behind the wheel and a woman in the passenger seat and a young man in the backseat. I pulled the door open and said get the $#@! Out of my car, and then pulled the guy behind wheel out, the other two got out on their own.
I got in the car and drove off because I need something from Home Depot but I don’t have any idea what it is, and that’s when I thought, I better take a look and make sure all my stuff is still in the car, so turned around and looked in the back seat and there it was plain as day, a baseball glove, a bat, a ball and a hat that has MAC on it which I know means Mecklenburg Athletic Club. This is bad, very bad, I looked in the little consol box under my right elbow and there was a set of house keys and a map of Minnesota, this is very, very bad, This is not my car!

So I think as soon as I get back from Home Depot (yep still going), I’m going to return this car and apologize like nobody’s business, and that’s when I saw the school bus!
It had come around the corner too fast and was up on two wheels and then fell over and rolled down this huge hill, I pulled over and ran down the hill to see if anyone was hurt. When I got there it was empty, no passengers, no driver, nothing. I thought how did this happen, where did it come from... and then I heard this noise, it was a familiar noise, it sounded just like a gray rental car rolling down a hill with baseball gear flying out the windows, in retrospect I don't know why I thought this sound was familiar, but sure enough that’s what it was, it rolled over and over and over until came to rest right on top of the school bus.

When the cops got there the first thing the cop said was, is this your car?
I had an instant panic attack because just a little while ago I jacked this car (by accident) from a couple and their kid, so I had to calm myself down and take a deep breath before I could look that cop in the eye and say
“I've never seen this car before in my life”
.. And then I woke up…